Doctor Who and The Pirate Planet (target collection) by Douglas Adams & James Goss

Author:Douglas Adams & James Goss
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
ISBN: 9781473532984
Publisher: Ebury Publishing
Published: 2021-03-11T00:00:00+00:00

The Captain had been very cross all afternoon. All the Guards had been brought up from the mines, and their executions had only slightly cheered the Captain.

The Nurse fussed over him, checking the readings on her little black box while he ranted.

‘Do you know what my problem is, Mr Fibuli?’ The Captain glared out of the window until the twin suns backed away a little. ‘By the blood of the Sky Demon, but we’ve been queasy fools! We should have obliterated the Mentiads years ago and rid ourselves of their sickly power.’

‘But Captain,’ Mr Fibuli pointed out reasonably, ‘we have tried many times in the past …’

‘And failed Mr Fibuli, and failed!’

The robot parrot fixed him with a warning glare.

Mr Fibuli’s eyes wandered over to the pile of corpses and then switched back to the sky. ‘Captain, you said yourself it was a question of priorities …’

‘I said? You dare to lay the rotting fruits of your own incompetence at my door?’ The Captain staggered to his feet, looming over his hapless aide. The robot parrot perked up decidedly.

The Nurse laid a gentle, restraining hand on the Captain’s arm. It rested just out of reach of the bird’s beak. The Captain looked at her, like a child pleading for another go on his favourite ride. The Nurse shook her head.

Quickly, Mr Fibuli pressed home his advantage. ‘Captain, in your wisdom you observed that whilst the Mentiads lay dormant with no leader and no purpose we were well enough protected, and they were a useful focus for the fear of the people.’

‘But now they will not be leaderless!’ the Captain rumbled furiously. ‘Now they will have a clear purpose.’

‘But Captain.’ Mr Fibuli had his moments of quicksilver cunning. ‘The means to destroy them is at last within our grasp. The planet of Calufrax is rich in Voolium and Madranite 1–5. That is, after all, what we came here for.’

‘Voolium and Madranite 1–5?’ The Captain awkwardly stroked his chin. ‘That is true.’

‘The vibrations of the refined crystals can be harnessed to produce interference patterns which will neutralise the power of the Mentiads.’

The Captain gurgled with delight. ‘That will leave them defenceless, as weak as ordinary men, obliterable! Oh, excellent, Mr Fibuli, excellent!’

The Nurse risked an encouraging smile in Mr Fibuli’s direction.

The Captain continued: ‘Your death shall be delayed.’

‘Thank you again and again, sir.’ Mr Fibuli hoped he didn’t sound too dry. ‘Your goodness confounds me.’

‘How soon can you be prepared?’ The Captain was shifting from one foot to another with an eager clank.

Mr Fibuli was already scribbling away on his pad. ‘Well, if we put all the automated mining and processing equipment on the planet into full power, sir, we could reduce the entirety of Calufrax within hours, but the machinery will be dangerously overloaded …’ He tore out a scrap of paper and handed it to the Captain.

‘That matters not a quark, Mr Fibuli!’ The Captain screwed the paper into a ball. ‘Speed is of the essence! The Mentiads will be

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